WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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