i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
