What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
