he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
