What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
