dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
