I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He felt like a one man threesome
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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