TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
