I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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