help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
