We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
