wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have peed in a lot of sinks
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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