you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
