my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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