Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
