he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
