His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
