i permit you to call me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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