You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
