I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
