I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Your dad touched me again.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
