So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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