You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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