At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
