I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
