So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
