i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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