I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
