It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
