People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
