She said her name was "party"
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize