You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
