I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A+ Viking dick
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