She is in my trunk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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