Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
