i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This can only be settled by a dance off.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
