i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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