I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize