I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
