Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
