Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
