I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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