i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
