before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
