You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
