you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just cut my nipple shaving
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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