Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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