Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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