Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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