i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
