tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We had sex on a dog bed..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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