i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
