Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
