swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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