turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
