"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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