you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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