Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
