anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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