You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I stole a fireplace last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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