You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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