After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
