woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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