Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
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