Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
