i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
