okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
