Nicole vs. Life
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When are your genitals available?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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