its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
