Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
