Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
