dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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