see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
