finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
