Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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