My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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