Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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