what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
