I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize