Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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